yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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