Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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