I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
