I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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