i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I party with great urgency now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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