Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
