U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
