is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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