I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize