She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
