I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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