She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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