the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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