ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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