I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
