put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His hands were made for my vagina.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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