i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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