Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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