but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
