community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
