My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just google imaged poop.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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