so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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