Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
