the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
