you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Damn victory sex feels great
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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