you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
