Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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