toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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