I showed him my bush... on skype.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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