Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
