i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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