let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
