Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
