I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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