Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
