babies were throwing up all over the place
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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