Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
