I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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