He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
