we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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