Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
