I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
