I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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