member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
