last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize