i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
