Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
