He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize