i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
