why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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