you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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