why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
