I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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