This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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