What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
