Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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