You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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