you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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