Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
