4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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