a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
A bitchslap is in order.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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