i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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