Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
