Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
