I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
