Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
