he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
